A friend of ours dog is very sick and is losing her battle with cancer. So last night I was telling Steven that Roxy's chemo is not working and that she's not been feeling very good. He looked at me and asked if Roxy was going to die. When I said yes but not tonight he got very quiet and then he said well when Roxy gets to heaven daddy will be there to give her pizza crust.
Then last night as we were getting ready for bed he just started to cry. When I asked him what was wrong he said he was just missing his dad and thinking about Roxy dying made him even sadder and miss his dad even more. And then he said to me you know what's not fair mom, Roxy's going to get to see my dad but I'm not.
It's those things that just break my heart. Those are the times that I wish God had taken us all together so Steven and I did not have to suffer this pain. Those are the times when I wish with all my soul that Jared could come back to us. And those are the times that I remember I'm helpless. Helpless to fix my little boy's pain.
Death brings tears and sadness. And the thing about grief is any death triggers it. And we are helpless to stop it. Helpless to fix it. We just have to cry our tears and surf the waves of grief.
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