All Hallows Eve

As Halloween approaches, I find myself missing Jared more than I do everyday.  I think that is because this year Steven wants to have a scary Halloween. Jared always talked about Steven's first scary Halloween and how we would have a haunted house, we all would dress up as people from scary movies, and we would scare the kids in the neighborhood. Well this year that is what we're going to do. We are going to have a haunted house, Steven is going to be a character from a scary movie, and Jared is not going to be here to see it. That is the part that always breaks my heart. The fact that Jared is missing. He will not be here to experience Steven's first scary Halloween but we are going to celebrate and enjoy the haunted house in honor of him. I just wish my heart didn't feel a little more broken.

I wrote the above post this morning before I took my son to school. At my son's school today is Trunk or Treat and I volunteered to decorate my trunk. My friend Katie took several pictures today and then sent me some photos with a note that said "I couldn't get a single picture of you today where the sunshine wasn't kissing you." And every picture she took of me, the sun was shining on me and no one else. For me that means Jared knew Halloween was going to be a hard time for us and he was sending me some extra kisses from heaven. He was letting me know that it's okay. That he wants us to enjoy this Halloween. He wants us to enjoy being scary. And I also figured he will be scaring me from above and laughing the entire time.

When we got home today, my son said he was going outside to his homework.  I look and his his sitting on Jared's memorial bench. And guess what? The sun was shining amazingly bright on him. His dad was sending him some extra love today too. It always seems on the hardest days that if I really pay attention I will see signs from Jared. Signs to let me know that he's okay. Signs to let me know that I'm going to be okay. Signs that he is always watching over us. And since my morning started so rough with my heart feeling broken because Jared was going to miss Halloween, some extra kisses from heaven was just what I needed today.