Lide full of grief

So much of my time now I find myself thinking about death and grief. And I realized I have never known life without death and grief.

By the time I was 7, I had said goodbye to my grandfather and my brother.   I didn't understand death then but I knew they were never coming home.
Not long before my high school graduation I had to say goodbye to my grandmother, the champion for my faith.
A month after my 21st birthday, I had to say goodbye to my brother Steve with whom I spent most of my teenage years.
When I was 32, not long after the birth of my son, my godfather died.
At the age of 34, I watched my father, the man who was my greatest teacher take his last breath. And 10 months later, my sister went to be with my dad.
At 35, my godmother died and a year later my niece was gone.  So much death for someone who was only 36.

And then at 42, my life forever changed.  I held the love of my life in my arms as he took his first breath as an angel.

Even with all the death and grief I had experienced, nothing prepared me for the grief of losing my forever love.  I was not prepared for grief that makes you physically hurt.  I had never experienced grief that makes you want to die.  I had no idea what to do on this grief journey.

With all the death and grief in my life, I knew the value of living.  And I found love. A love that was worth the pain of grief.  Even though I was not prepared for this pain, I am finding a way to cope and survive.  Because I have always survived.  And my husband would expect nothing less.