Living with grief

I have had people tell me their opinions and ideas about grief. But until you are in the throws of grief you can't understand.  I try the get through everyday, good, bad, or ugly.
Everyday is a struggle, a struggle to choose happiness over despair.  When Jared died I could have easily chosen to give up but I couldn't.  I had a child to raise, a child who needed to know how much he was loved.  I couldn't because I had bills to pay.  I couldn't because I promised my husband I would live.
I try to live everyday.  Some days are harder than others. By I know my life, every breath is a gift and I should be thankful. So I tried to live everyday to the fullest in honor of Jared.  Some days I succeed and others I don't. But I always try.
I miss Jared everyday and my heart aches for him every second of every day.  But I will continue to live because he deserves that, because I deserve that.  I will miss Jared always but I will honor my promise to live.   I don't necessarily know how yet but I am learning I am trying.

Saying goodbye to the the love of your life is difficult.  The hardest thing I have ever done.  But I hope, I pray I can learn from it.  I don't know what my plan is, but I know it must be amazing. Why else would I have to suffer so?  Jared is always going be beside me, encouraging me to keep going. Until we meet again.