I changed my Facebook status to widowed. In 5 days it will be 27 months since Jared died and it finally feels right to change my marital status. While I will always love Jared, I no longer feel married. My heart has accepted he is never come back. That I am truly a widow.
I will always be Jared's widow. Nothing will change that. I will always honor him. Keep his memory alive. Miss him. But, I know now I must move forward. Must cherish my past while building a new life for Steven and I. Find a way to bring my two worlds together. Start living life in color again. Find joy so that my smile reaches my eyes again. Teach Steven that because of our great grief, we can again find great pleasure in this life again. That life is a privilege, an adventure meant to be lived.
Changing my Facebook status may seem like a simple thing but for me it is a momentous step. Finally admitting to the world that I no longer feel married but instead will always be a widow. That it is time to begin to truly live again while cherishing my past.
Today I took a big step in my grief journey.
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