As 2016 comes to a close, I can't help but reflect on what a year it has been.
This year I realized I would not only survive Jared's death but I would thrive. I would finally keep my promise to Jared and do my best to live. 2016 saw Jared's second angelversary come and go. I always said I would mourn him for two years and in those first two years not allow myself to find any joy or happiness. And as I moved into year three, I realized it could be the year of me. The year I would discover myself. The year I would discover what makes me happy. The year I would finally realize who I am and what I want to do.
I realized I was not just surviving Jared's death, I was using his death to fuel my life. Life is a gift. A gift that for Jared, was unfortunately cut way too short. But I realized, the best way to honor Jared was to live my best life possible. To take adventures. To live in the moment. To do my best to have no regrets. To teach Steven that life is truly meant to be lived. To know that Jared would want me to live and love.
As this year draws to a close, I am keeping my promise to Jared. I'm finally starting to live. To live my best life. And I'm starting to love. To open my heart to someone new. To realize my heart can expand. A part of my heart will always belong to Jared. But love shared is multiplied, not divided. And expanding my heart, allowing joy to be part of my life again is the best feeling. I know Jared would be proud. He would want me to spread my wings and fly.
I have changed a lot this year. I realized I could live and that by living I was honoring Jared. I figured out that allowing myself to be happy, to feel joy again was not betraying Jared. I realized that deciding to open my heart did not mean I was forgetting my love story with Jared.
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