How is that possible? So much has changed, yet some things never will.
I will always miss you.
I will always love you.
I will always wish you were here to see Steven's accomplishments.
I will always think of you when something great happens in our life.
I will always think of you when something doesn't go as planned.
You will always be a part of our lives.
2 years ago today at 7:50 pm, I held you in my arms. Knowing my world was about to change forever and helpless to stop it. You looked towards the heavens and said “Do you see them Carla?”. I knew the angels had come to take you home. I kissed you, told you how much I love you, how proud I was of you, promised Steven and I would be OK, and told you to fly home with the angels. And you did. You took the deepest breath and you were gone. I know I saw your first heavenly breath. And though I wish you back every day, I am grateful you are breathing easy with the angels.
So much has changed in these 2 years. I have less patience but more compassion. I no longer care about the little things. I try to not take anyone for granted. I am teaching Steven life's an adventure and should be lived. I am trying to build a new life, one that would make you proud and at the same time find happiness again.
I haven't completely kept my promise, but I'm trying. When you died, I wanted to die too. I felt like God should have called us all home together. But a crazy thing has happened this year, I realized I want to live. Really live. And not just because I promised you I would but because I want to. I want to live. There is still a lot of life in me. Still so much for me to see and do. A whole world to explore. So many adventures to take.
My life will never be the same. The Carla I was with you died with you. This is a new Carla. A work in progress. But I can do this, rebuild my life, discover who I am now because of you. Because of the love we shared. Because of the strength you gave me. You were one of the strongest people I have ever known. You never let your disease stop you. Never used it as an excuse. I draw on your strength and love each day. And because of the life God gave us together, I can slowly begin to build this new life. Thank you for loving me Jared. Your love is my strength.
I miss you every day. Everyday something happens and I think I wish Jared was here. But I know you are watching over us, sending me signs when I need them most. And I'm certain sometimes you shake your head in disbelief at what I'm doing but I also know there are times you say that's my pretty lady, I never doubted you for a minute. I miss you Lovebug. Every single day.
2 years today.
731 days.
Forever and yesterday…
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