When Jared died, I not only lost my husband, I also lost my best friend. And I so miss my best friend. That person I could talk to about anything. That person who would listen and never judge. That person who loved me no matter what. That person who always know just what to say to make me feel better.
A widow life can be a lonely life. Often the third wheel. The only person in the room without a partner. Spending your evenings alone. No one to take you on a date Saturday night. And your friends often can't get together with you because they have plans with their spouses and their families.
That's when I miss my husband the most. The evenings and the weekends. The time that is reserved for couples and families. The times when something wonderful happens and I want to share the news with my best friend. Or the time that I feel such sorrow that I want my best friend to just tell me it will be ok. The time I just want to chat with my best friend. And now my best friend is never coming home. I can never talk to him again.
I realize now that when Jared was alive, I didn't put as much time into all of my friendships as I should have because we had each other. And in the last two years of grieving, I definitely have not focused on my friendships like I should have. And I guess because of that many of my girlfriends, while still very dear friends have moved on and formed other friendships. But even if I did have a girlfriend that was my best friend, that could never replace the grief and loss I feel of losing my husband. He was truly my best friend.
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