20 months

Today it has been 20 months since God called you home.  I have been trying hard to focus on the joy of a life well lived instead of the sadness of a life gone too soon.  Your example of faith continues to inspire me each day.

You never once blamed God or got angry at Him for your illness.  You had CF, plain and simple.  But it didn't stop you from living.

You never once used your disease as an excuse.  You graduated college, had a full time job, and worked on your MBA.  All while often fighting for each breath.

When you received your first lung transplant, we prayed for God's protection and trusted you would be alright.  When you woke up, your first request was to pray for the donor family.  You said we are celebrating and they are planning a funeral at Christmas.

When our marriage was blessed by Pope John Paul II 6 months later, you prayed for continued health and I prayed for one healthy baby.  Little did we know, God would answer both our prayers.

When we went through IVF to have Steven, we prayed for God to bless us with a healthy baby.  12 months later at his baptism, Father Jeff called him our miracle.

When a job opportunity for me required us to leave everyone we knew, you didn't hesitate to do what was best for me.

When we waited for your second lung, you said you weren't afraid to die but you were afraid to leave me and Steven behind.  As you fought for every breath those last few months of waiting, you still lived each day to the fullest.  And when the call came, we gave a prayer of thanks.

When you became septic and almost died 3 months later, Steven's faith kept me going.  He said the angels told him you would be OK.   And he was right!  If only we could have the faith of a child.

When we found out about the blood clot in your brain and how it was a miracle you were still alive, you just shrugged.  You didn't get mad that you could no longer ride roller coasters, drive the motorcycle, or go up to high altitudes.  You just took it in stride and kept living.

When you should have been resting, you were coaching Steven's little league team.  When you should have been at home because you had just been released from the hospital, you were coaching Steven's football team.  You never once let your condition stop you from being a loving parent.

You were always a loyal friend.  You could sit with your friends for hours, saying few words but sharing laughter.

When I wanted to take a 4 week vacation to make memories because you were diagnosed with chronic rejection and a third lung transplant was unlikely, you agreed.  Even though you were tired and had to rest frequently, you made the journey so Steven and I would forever have those memories.  And we treasure our memories of that last July.

When we knew God was calling you home, that you had finished your plan, you apologized to me.  You told me you were sorry I had to watch you die.  But you didn't realize that loving you and holding your hand as you entered God's kingdom was a privilege for me.

You made sure to tell Steven how much you loved him and how proud you were to be his dad. You told him you wanted him to be happy.  That when he was happy on earth, you would be happy in heaven. He reminds me often that his dad would want him to be happy.

And now, 20 months later I can reflect on these major moments and treasure your faith.

We had a faith centered marriage and home.  We truly believed that with God anything was possible.  We believed in miracles because we had witnessed them first hand. We believed that sometimes God said no because the request was not part of His plan.  We believed faith would get Steven and I through the darkest time of our lives.

Don't get me wrong, you were not perfect.  You had the least amount of patience of anyone I have ever met. Your laid back, don't worry attitude could be frustrating as hell. Your mantra of if you can't fix it, don't worry about it drove me crazy.  But you were my gift from God.  We were perfect for each other.  And I miss you like crazy.

20 months today.  I love you.