Day of Love

As Valentine's Day approaches, I am reminded that my love story is different than most. There will be no one to buy me flowers, give me a special card, or bring me chocolates. And as I watch all the commercials on TV, see all the post on Facebook, and hear my friends talk about their special plans for the day of love, my heart aches. And then I realize, that I know what love is. Not what Hallmark says it should be, but what it truly is.

Love is holding someone on their hardest day.
Love is honoring that vow in sickness and in health.
Love is knowing the vow till death do us part is going to apply to you. And you continue to live, laugh, and love because of this knowledge.
Love is knowing that despite the pain and heartache of grief, you were blessed to know true love. And you would do it all over again.
Love is that pit in the bottom of your stomach when you know something terrible is about to happen but you face it head on anyway because your love is stronger than your fear.
Love is 3 hour drive to the hospital praying the whole way that your husband makes it. Love is looking in the eyes of my husband when he told me he was sorry that I had to watch him die.
Love is holding my husband as he took his final breath and kissing him on the forehead and promising that we would be okay.
Love is watching the person you love more than anything in this world try so hard to be brave and strong for you.
Love is holding your little boy and telling him that daddy went to heaven and then feeling his heart wrenching sobs.
Love is your friends surrounding you on the worse day of your life without you even having to ask.
Love is those same friends 17 months later still surrounding you with love.
Love is knowing that my love story will never end.
Love is knowing that I was someone's forever love.
Love is looking at my little boy and seeing his daddy.
Love is remembering Jared's laugh.  Oh, how I miss his laugh.
Love is your 11 year old son looking at you and saying I need $50 to take you out to for Valentines Day. And then laughing because you know he has no idea that without a reservation there will be no eating out on Valentines Day.
Love is the wonderful memories of past Valentine's Days.  Like the time your husband made your Valentine's card out of a paper airplane and "flew" it to you. Or the time he wrote you a poem about how he wasn't allowed to buy you flowers "Sorry no flowers this year, Dr. Baz said no".  Or the year he sent you a bouquet of your wedding roses with a note that said "Gotcha. I Love You."

So while I may not have someone on Valentines Day to wake me up, give me a kiss ,and say Happy Valentines Day,  I have a heart full of love. And even though Jared won't be here to tell me "you know this is a hallmark holiday, I love you everyday."  I will feel his love in my heart.

And so yes on this day of love I may not be celebrating in the traditional sense, but I'm still celebrating my love story. Yes, my love story is different but maybe, just maybe it's even better. Because my love story is forever.