When To Pack Your Dead Spouse's Belongings

When do you get rid of your dead spouse's stuff? What do you do with it? Do you donate it?  Give it to family and friends? Save it?  All of the above?

One thing is for certain, no matter what you do someone will judge you for it.  There will be that person who thinks you put items away too soon.  Someone who thinks you waited too long.  Someone who thinks you gave away too much of your spouse's belongings.  Someone who thinks you saved too much. Everyone will have an opinion.  And will firmly believe they should share that opinion with you. But no one knows what is right for you but you.

Interestingly, those who have had the most (and loudest) opinions about my late husband's belongings are those who have suffered their own losses.  And should know better.  Should know that everyone grieves in their own time.  Should know that some reminders are necessary.  Should know not to touch or rearrange belongings.  And yet, they didn't.

I still have Jared's clothes in the closet.  His photos in our house.  I'm just not ready to pack his clothes up yet.  Nor is my son.  But we have set a date that we are going to embark on packing the closet. But what will we do with Jared's clothes?  I have no idea.  One day I would like to make a quilt of Jared's t-shirts for Steven.  Steven can already wear Jared shorts but the pants are too long. And by time they will be long enough, Steven will probably be too big to wear them. So what do we do with them? Most likely we will donate them to people in need. But we haven't made that decision yet. So far, the only decision we've made is that on our date we will put them in tupperware bins and decide what to do with them later.

As for the photos, there will always be photos of Jared in my house. He will always be Steven's dad. And no matter where our future leads us or how much our lives change, that is something that will always be the same. Something that will never change.  And I want to make sure Jared is never forgotten.  That he is remembered.  And that Steven knows his dad will always be a part of our lives.

But I am certain, that at least one person will feel the need to tell me how we should handle Jared's clothes.  When I should put Jared's photos away.   And you know what I will do? I will ignore them. Why? Because their opinion does not matter. The only opinions that matter are mine and my son's. And we will do what we feel is right when the time is right. And anyone with a different opinion, can just keep it to themselves!!