Final Goodbye

A year ago today, we said goodbye to Jared.  I have never cried so many tears or felt so broken.  Seeing the church full of people who were touched by Jared, special friends who flew in just for the service, and Monsignor's homily were especially touching.  But seeing that casket in the church and knowing my husband's body was in it...there are no words to describe those emotions.  None.  A year later, I still cry if one of the songs played at his funeral mass are played at church.  Hearing the song brings all those emotions right back.

Jared's graveside service was heart wrenching.  All of our family and friends laid flowers on his casket and Steven gave Jared a Gator balloon.  When the service was over, Steven was devastated and just laid himself over the casket.  And there was nothing I could do for him.  Nothing.  Fr Jeff walked over and knelt beside Steven and started talking to Steven about Jared.  He told Steven how proud and excited Jared was when Steven was born.  He told Steven about his baptism and how Jared was so pleased to share Steven with God.  He told Steven how much Jared loved him and would continue to love him and watch over him from heaven.  It was one of the most beautiful moments to witness and Fr Jeff will always hold a special place in my heart for that.  For taking the time to kneel and comfort a 10 year boy whose heart was shattered and whose whole world had changed.

But the parts where I knew Jared was there watching over us were also at the cemetery.  First, Fr Jeff was stuck in traffic so I played Freebird (the one song Jared requested I play at his graveside) over and over again.  Then as Fr Jeff began the graveside service the heavens opened up and everyone was soaked.  So much so that Fr Jeff said "if you didn't think Jared had a sense of humor now you know better.".  And as soon as the service ended, the skies cleared up. Total Jared humor.  I remember my Goddaughter, Hailey had a share a coke with Jared bottle.  None of us have found one with his name on it since.  Just like him to try and comfort me on one of the worst days of my life.

One year ago today I said my final goodbye to Jared. But while his body may be buried, his spirit is watching over us. I know without a doubt, he is waiting for me, holding my spot in heaven.