My new beginning came to visit this weekend. I wasn't sure how he would handle coming to my home. The home I shared with Jared. My home that is full of so many memories of Jared. But he handled it like a champ. Like he has always been a part of my world.
Friday morning he came with me to drop Sreven off at school and met my circle of prayer warriors. Friday night we took my son to see Wicked. It was a belated Valentine's Day celebration. Yesterday afternoon he met Jared's mom, brother and his fiance as well as their beautiful baby girl. And it was like they had known each other forever. He was very comfortable answering their questions. Hearing their stories of Jared. And without having to say it, he let them know just how important Steven and I are to him and how respectful he is of Jared's place in our world. Last night he met my dear friend and her husband. And we spent the night talking and laughing. And it was so easy. Like he had always been part of our group. He just fit right in. Today, we are going to meet several of my friends for lunch. And I'm certain Jon will do just fine. Hopefully, my friends will see how much he loves and cares about me and Steven. And that will make them welcome him with open arms.
It has been an amazing weekend. One that has exceeded my expectations. And I can't wait for Jon to visit again. But this morning as I sit here alone while everyone else is asleep at my house, I feel a little emotional. I'm happy with Jon. Happier than I ever imagined I could be again. He makes me laugh. He has helped me to heal in a way I never thought possible. Yet, I still miss Jared. My newfound love, my newfound joy is bittersweet. My heart is so full. Yet the part that will always belong to Jared is aching. I'm excited about my future with Jon. But at the same time I'm sad I won't get to see the future I had planned with Jared. Once again, I have to find the balance. Figure out how to not let grief overtake my joy. Discover how to live and love in the here and now while honoring my past.
I am blessed that Jon understands. That he is not jealous of Jared. That he knows it is not a competition. That he wants to include Jared in our future. That he loves me and will hold me when it all becomes too much. That he is an amazing man who will spend the weekend meeting those that are important to me. Accept the scrutiny. Answer all their questions. And do it happily because he knows how much it means to me.
It has been a weekend full of love and laughter with my new beginning. I hate that it has to end. But it gives me something to look forward to.
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