Hope For A New Widow

Yesterday I learned that a mom in my community unexpectedly lost her husband. She is now left alone to raise four children on her own. And I immediately thought oh my, my heart breaks for her. I know just how she feels.

I remember those early days, early months. Just shuffling through life. Getting up every day because my son needed a mom but having absolutely no desire to do anything. I remember the numbness. Not actually feeling anything, just being numb. I remember how surreal it felt. Like it was a bad dream and soon I would wake up and it would all be over.

But you don't wake up from this. It's not a bad dream. It is something we have to live with every day for the rest of our lives.  We start out numb and then the numbness wears off. And when the numbness was gone, I realized it was there to protect me in those early days. Because I just wasn't quite ready to deal with the real world of being a widow.

But I did survive.  Because I had a wonderful support system that held me up when I wanted to fall down. A community that gave me hope and let me know I was not alone.  A child who told me he just wanted me to be happy again. While I will never get over my loss, my grief,  I am living again.  I have again found happiness.   And if I can give just a little bit of hope to this new widow, then my journey will have meant something.