Dating In My 40s

Dating in your 40s is very different from dating in your 20s.  Everyone has baggage.  Some more than others.  Most people I know have been divorced, widowed, or never married at all. Many of them have children.  Dating in your 40s means there's a whole world, a whole life before you. And I guess the real question is how much of that life do you want to know about? How much about the time before you does your new partner want to share?  And does that history really matter?  For me, I like knowing about the past.  Not the specifics of past relationships, but more about how the past shaped you into who you are today.  These are issues I definitely didn't have to contend with in my 20s.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was ready to date. I had no desire to date.  Start fresh with someone new. But God had other plans.

My new beginning, the man I want to be my future is divorced. With a 16 year old daughter.  That's a whole new world for me.  Not only am I dealing with my child's feelings and emotions,  there is now a teenage girl to think about also.  A girl who has been her dad's whole world for almost 7 years. I pray in time we will all adjust.  And that over time we can all be a happy family.  But I can't help but worry.

But there are other issues besides our children. We have to figure out how to unpack our baggage. How to let go of the mistakes from our previous relationships and move forward together.  How to not let our pasts cloud our future.   How to make each other and our relationship a priority  while making sure our children feel safe, secure, and loved.

I find myself apologizing a lot. Worrying that I have said something to upset him.  That I ask too many questions.  Probe into his past.  Dredge up things he'd rather not talk about.  I love that we can talk about anything and that we can be completely honest with each other.  But yet, I'm fearful he will decide this is too much work and walk away.  Scared that the distance will become to much and our relationship won't survive.  Afraid that I'll push him away rather than risk being hurt.

This relationship makes me happy.  Makes me feel alive.  This man makes my heart beat a little faster.  Gives me butterflies in my stomach.  And despite all the concerns that come with dating, I wouldn't trade this relationship for anything.  I never thought I would experience love again but here I am.  In love and planning a future with my new beginning.  Yes, dating in my 40s has it's own issues and concerns.  But my new relationship is worth the time and effort to resolve any concerns and conflict.   Worth the effort to make it work.  Worth it to find love and happiness.