Dating As A Widowed Mom

So I stepped into the world of dating. And it is scary and exciting all the same time. It's nice again to feel wanted. It's nice to have someone want to take care of me for a change. But it's also scary to make yourself vulnerable.  Open yourself to potential heartbreak.  I have not dated in 18 years.  For 2 years, I was a girlfriend and a fiancé.   For 14 years I was someone's wife.  And for the last two half years, I have been someone's widow. And my widow status will not change.  Even if someday I should become someone else's wife, I will always be Jared’s widow.

In some ways I think dating in your forties is easier than dating in your twenties. I find that I'm much more honest.  More open with my feelings.  Don't want to play games. Take way less bullshit.  But in same ways, I think it's the same.  I also find that I am a little insecure. Stepping into uncharted territory. And unsure what to do next.   There is no road map on how to date as a widow. And for my new beginning there is no rule book on how to date a widow. So we are learning as we go. Taking it day by day. Answering each other's questions the best we can.  Dealing with situations as they arise.  Knowing we are going to make mistakes. Knowing at times we are definitely going to get it wrong. But we are doing our best.  And for some reason, that just feels right.  Knowing life is short and can change on a dime, gives me the courage to jump into this with both feet.

Dating as a widowed parent brings it own issues.  Parenting a grieving child is difficult enough.  But telling your child you are ready to move forward and date...there are no words for the stress that can cause a widowed mom.  Fortunately for me, my son had a positive reaction.  He had heard me talk about my widowed friends who were dating and would say “good for them” or “I'm happy for them.”  When I asked him how he would feel if I wanted to date, he said “I would be ok with it as long as I liked the guy.”   Then I told him I wanted to date Mr. Jon and he gave me a big hug and kiss and said “I’m happy for you mom, good for you.  I like Mr. Jon.”   See, we met Jon and his daughter on a cruise and spent time together.  And everyone got along.  It was fun and easy.  Since he had met Jon, that part was easier.  If this was a “normal” situation, I definitely would not be introducing or talking about dating with my son yet.  That would be a conversation for much later down the road.  But, since Jon and I live in different states and have to travel to see each other, I needed to explain that to my son. And the fact that he was happy for me and essentially gave me his blessing, melted my heart. He just wants his mom to be happy.  I stressed to him that I will always love his dad.  That I will always miss his dad.  And that no one will ever replace his dad.  I made sure my son understood that he is my top priority and I won't make any big decisions or changes without talking to him first.  He said “I know mom.  You love me.  You love my dad.  And you deserve to be happy.”  At school the next day, he asked for prayers for me since I was going on my first date since his dad died.  He was concerned enough and thoughtful enough to ask others to pray for me. What an amazing boy I am blessed to call my son!

Stepping into the dating world has it's challenges but it also has it's rewards.  I have discovered that my friends and family are supportive.  I have learned that my son wants me to be happy.  And I get to experience the excitement of new love again.  The challenges will present themselves and we will deal with them as they come.  But it's the rewards that I'm looking forward too.