Protective Son

My son just told me he's afraid I'm going to get to attached to my new beginning and my heart is going to get broken if it doesn't work out.  And then I'll be sad again.  And grumpy.     I told him my heart has survived worse.  And that love and relationships are always a risk.  Then he said it's just weird for him to see me with someone other than his dad.  I took the advice of a fellow widow and told him it's weird for me too but I really, truly believe his dad sent Jon to me.  I told him I will always miss and love Jared and no one will change that.  And that no one will ever take the place of his dad.

But I probably should have told him that it is OK for both us to live and to be happy.  That  doesn't mean we are forgetting Jared or betraying him. But instead by living and being happy, we are honoring his dad.  That his dad made me promise to live and love again because he wanted us to be happy.  And that liking Jon doesn't mean he loves his dad any less.  Or that I love his dad any less.  I should have explained that love multiplies, it doesn't divide.  That there is room in our hearts and in our lives for his dad and for Jon.

I understand that he is worried about me and wants to protect me.  But a 12 year old shouldn't have to worry about that.  He told me he thinks my relationship is moving too fast.  Words he would never use. He must have overheard others talking about my relationship and is now trying to process it.  Process what it means for him.  For me. For us.  I can't even imagine what this is like for him.  Seeing his mom dating. Happy with someone new.  Concerned about where does our life with his dad fit in with my new beginning.  Or maybe he's worried about getting attached to Jon because in his experience people die.

I pray God gives me the words to make Steven feel comfortable.  To know that he is always my main priority.  To feel safe and loved.  To chart the course of this new journey.   This is new territory for me and I have no clue what I'm doing.  I just hope I don't totally screw it up.