Remarried and Still Alone

I am a remarried widow.  But there are days, like today, that I still feel alone.  That I realize in many ways I am still a solo parent.  Why?  Because my new husband lives 1,000 away.  And we only get to see each other one or two weekends a month.  Yes, I knew when we said I Do that we would live apart for another 18-20 months. And I knew that would mean my day to day life really wouldn’t change despite getting married.  That I would still be responsible for my son and myself on a daily basis.  That my husband would continue to have a whole other life in Texas that I wasn’t a part of.  That we would miss the daily activities in each other’s world, including our children’s lives.

But we decided that life is short and we love each, so let’s get married and figure it out as we go.  Some days we get it right.  Some days we need to do better.  It’s always a juggling act.  Trying to figure out how to support each other and our children.  How to be there for each other on a daily basis not just the big moments. How to make decisions together when we can’t have group discussions.  How to be a family unit when we only get to spend a relatively short amount of time together.  How to be a parental figure to the other child when our interactions are limited to infrequent weekend visits.  But we are learning.  Trying.  Slowly figuring it out.  Should we have waited until we could live together to get married?  I don’t think so.  Is long distance marriage hard?  Absolutely.  But we are making it work.  And I like to think we will be stronger for it.

I know when my husband moves here, there are times I will still feel alone.  Feel like a solo parent.  That is part of being widowed.  Feeling alone in a crowded room.  Making tough decisions without your child’s other parent being there to give you their opinion.  Feeling like you are holding the weight of the world on your shoulders. But I also know I’ll have a partner.  And if I ask, he’ll carry the weight when I can’t.  That he’ll be happy to step up and be a parental figure to my son while understanding that my son’s dad will always be a part of our family and dearly missed. That our day to day life will change.  We’ll have to adjust to being together everyday.  Sharing our space.  Our lives.  That we’ll have to once again figure it out.  And I can’t wait for that day to come.