Parenting A Grieving Child

My grief, I can typically handle. I can figure out a way to manage and cope. But Steven’s grief,  that’s a whole other story.

When you’re parenting a grieving child, you do your best to make them feel safe. To feel loved. To give them all the reassurance they need.  Watching your child grieve is one of the most helpless feelings in the world. When Steven’s grief is deep and raw, it knocks me to my knees. Seeing him struggle to process all of his emotions shakes me to my core.  Makes me question every decision I’ve made. Makes my heart ache that my child has to know so much pain and sadness. That a part of his innocence is forever lost. That he is keenly aware that people die and no one is promised tomorrow.  That he will always wonder what his dad would think. That his life is forever marked before and after.

For the most part, Steven has done really well since Jared died. He has an amazing heart. Is so very kind. And has faith that would move mountains. But there are days, those awful days when grief takes hold of him and he just can’t shake it.  That he feels lost. That he’s just a little boy missing his dad. And those are the days that make me feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. Make me wish I had a magic wand and could make it all better. That make me wish I could forever protect him.  But I can’t. Unfortunately, grief is a part of his life. And it always will be. I’m just thankful the bad days are few and far between. Because my mama heart can’t handle watching my baby suffer. My grief I can handle. Steven’s grief, not so much.