The Love Of A Dad

When Jared died, I realized there was no one else on this earth who was going to love Steven like that again.  No one to share in the love of our child with me.  No one else who has all those same memories.  No one else to share in all those childhood stories.  No one else who would ever again love my son with the same emotions as I do.  And that is one of the hardest parts about being widowed.

Parents love their their children in a manner that cannot be explained.  And when Jared died, Steven lost that unconditional love of one of his parents.  Yes, others love him but no one else will ever love him like his dad did.  And even though my new husband loves Steven, it’s not the same.  He will never love Steven the way he loves his daughter.  He will never love Steven the way I do or the way Jared did.  And how could he?  Yes he will be an amazing parental figure to Steven but he will never love Steven the same way that Jared did.

And that makes my heart hurt.  My heart hurt for the child who lost his father way too young.  My heart hurt for the child who lost a certain innocence way too soon.  My heart hurt for the child who will never again be able to truly know the empowering, unconditional love from his dad.

Widowed life can be a lonely one.  Full of roller coaster emotions.  Full of realizations that make your soul ache.  But it can also be one of strength.  One of survival.  One of showing a little boy that while life will never again but what it was, it can be good again.  And that while he may never again hear his dad say “I love you Steven”, he will always be able to feel that love.  ALWAYS.

Sometimes you just need your dad.  And I hope Steven knows his dad is always there.  Just a thought away.