Not The Future I Planned

My life is not as I planned.

When I planned my life it was with Jared and Steven. It was going to be the three of us against the world. Forever.

Then BAM!  Death snuck in and changed everything.  And suddenly, my life was nothing like I planned.

And now 3 1/2 years later, my life is on a completely different track.

I’m married to a wonderful man.  I have an amazing bonus daughter.  My son is thriving.  But my life is not perfect.  Far from it.  And it certainly isn’t easy.  Despite or maybe because of the challenges, it’s a pretty awesome life.

Blending a family, especially a 1,000 miles apart, is hard work. Harder than I ever imagined. Becoming a family of 4 overnight. Dealing with sibling rivalry for the first time. Adjusting to married life after years of doing it on my own.

Working hard to feel like family and ensure that everyone knows what an important member they are to our family. Working hard to be a family adventures, disagreements, laughter and all.  We know it won’t happen overnight but it is slowly happening.

Learning everyone’s personalities. Learning how to mesh our likes and dislikes. Learning how to appreciate each other‘s parenting styles. There’s so much to learn.  

Trying to balance our time between much needed family time and couple time. Trying to forge a relationship with my bonus daughter when we don’t see each other nearly as often as we would like.  Trying to ensure that my son is handling all these changes and knows that we will never forget his dad.

We may not always get it right but we are trying.  Learning.  Working hard.  And we are a family.  A family that loves.  That laughs.  That bickers and disagrees. That’s what makes our family great.  We are real.

Because of the heartache, I can really appreciate the joy.  Because of the sorrow, I live harder.  Because I have known such loss, I love deeper.  This may not be the future I planned but I wouldn’t change it.