I talk about Jared because he was and will always be a part of my life. I want people who come into my life now to know about him. And I want the people who are going to come into my life to know about him. That doesn't mean my heart is still broken and every day is full of grief and pain. It's not. I've come a long way in my grief journey. And now truly most days are happy. Full of joy and gladness. Do I still have bad moments? Absolutely. Do I still have bad days? Absolutely. But they are fewer and farther between now. Most days I smile a real smile. Not that fake smile to make others feel better but a real smile because my heart is happy. And I chose to share my journey. Honestly and without sugar coating it. The good and the bad. The grief and now my joy. Because this is my normal. My life.
Life is all about the balance. Finding the balance between the bitter and the sweet. Finding the balance between grief and joy. And one of the biggest things I've learned is not to let fear steal my joy. Everyday I have a choice whether I'm going to be happy or sad. And I choose to be happy. I choose to live in the here and now. I choose to plan my future. That doesn't mean I will ever forget. That's not possible. But it does mean I'm moving forward in creating my life. A life that includes loss and love.
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