1,000 Days

1,000 days.

Today marks 1,000 days that Jared has lived in Heaven.

And it's my 45th birthday.

Only a widowed person can appreciate the irony in that.

A day that starts a new year for me also marks a milestone.  I used to think I couldn't survive one day without Jared yet somehow I have survived a thousand.  How is that possible?

1,000 days since I last heard his voice.  Last felt his lips on mine.  Last had his arms around me.  Last laid my head on his chest.  Last heard his laugh.  

1,000 days since he last sat in his chair.  Last ate dinner at our table as a family.  Last tucked Steven into bed.  Last kissed me goodnight.  Last helped Steven with his homework.

1,000 days since our world changed forever.

1,000 days since we went from a family of three to just the two of us.

1,000 days since we made a memory together.

1,000 days since we were planning our next adventure.

1,000 days since everything as I knew it came to an end.  

1,000 days since I learned what it really meant to be a widow.

1,000 days that have taught me to appreciate life.   To be grateful for every single day. To know that life is short and shouldn't be taken for granted.  To see the beauty all around me.  To choose to be happy especially on the hard days. To be slow to anger.  To laugh, a lot. To not sweat the small stuff.  To have less patience for bullshit. To hold tight to those who have been there for me.  To never say no to an adventure.  To realize that even though memories my fade, feelings of love never will.  To do more than just survive.  To make my life count.  To never regret.  To keep my promise.

1,000.  A lifetime of change counted in days.