Loving Two Men

When Jared died, I wanted to die too.  I thought my world, my life was over. If it hadn’t been for Steven, I’m not sure how long it would’ve taken me to get back to living.  But with a lot of time, work, and prayer I did get back to living. It doesn’t mean I didn’t have bad days. Or bad moments in a good day. And I still missed Jared every day. But I was able to enjoy life again. To appreciate the happiness in my life. To count my blessings. To no longer just focus on my loss.

And one day, I realized I wanted it to do more than just survive, I wanted to live. To live a life that would make Jared proud. A life full of adventures. A life full of laughter. And a life full of love. I had no desire to date.  And if I did, it would be after Steven went to college. I was terrified of the thought of having someone else parenting my child.  Steven has a dad. A dad who lives in heaven. And I didn’t want someone to come in and try to be his dad. I didn’t know if I could love someone new, the way I love Jared. I wasn’t sure my heart could expand to allow me to love again.

Then I met Jon.  And that unexpected encounter changed my life.  It taught me that I could love two men. That my heart could expand to love them both. I will always love Jared. And I love Jon. I love them differently. But I love them both. And I love that Jon wants to be a parental figure to my son.  I no longer have the fear of someone else helping to parent my child. Jon respects and understands Jared‘s place in our lives.  And he knows that there’s room in both of our hearts and our lives for him.

Deciding to live when it would have been easier to quit was one of the toughest things I have done.  But that decision lead me to new adventures.  New joys.  New love.   And it was a decision I will never regret.