This year we celebrated our 4th Christmas without Jared. The first one is blur. It was just 3 months after Jared died and I just wanted to it to be a merry Christmas for Steven. But I have very few memories of the day itself. The 2nd one was hard. I cried as I unwrapped all of our memory ornaments. So much history with each ornament I hung on the tree. But Christmas day itself was bearable. Last year, Christmas was actually almost merry again. Yes, there was sadness but there was also joy.
This Christmas was one of change. Jon and I are engaged and he was here to celebrate Christmas with us. For the first time there was a new man in our family celebrating Christmas with us. And it was a good day. One of laughter. One of love. One of family.
Yes, we missed Jared. We spoke his name. We filled his stocking with love. We felt his presence as Steven and I opened our presents from heaven. Jared will always be in our hearts. No matter where we are or with whom we are celebrating the holiday. But that doesn’t mean we can’t move forward. Start new traditions. Make new memories. Build our future.
As 2017 comes to a close and 2018 begins, I find myself reflecting on all the changes this year has brought. A new love. A new home. A new family. More blessings than I can count. I hope as we venture into the new year, I can focus on the good. The joy. The laughter. I have finally realized I can’t control others. I can’t control the future. I can’t fix everything. I need to sit back and just relax. Enjoy my blessings. And next year when we celebrate Christmas, I am confident it will be exceptionally merry.
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