Sorry I Couldn't Save You

I was watching a movie yesterday and the main character asked if his wife forgave him for not being able to save her.   A question I have asked myself a million times.  Does Jared forgive me for not being able to save him?  Does he know I did everything I could?  Does he know I would give anything to have him back?  Does he know a part of me died that day too?

In my heart I can hear him say there is nothing to forgive.  That I did not have that kind of power or control.   That it was part of God's plan.  That he is right where he is supposed to be, breathing with the angels.

But does he really know?  Know how much I love him?  Know how much I miss him?  Know how much his death changed me? Know how much he still impacts our lives everyday?

I guess this is where faith comes in.  Faith that God is in control.  Faith that I will one day see Jared again.  Faith that Jared does indeed know.  Faith that can move mountains.  Faith that Jared would tell me to forgive myself and let it go.  Faith to soar with birds and be free.