Unknown Future

When you are a widow in love, everyone wants to share in your joy.  And when you are a widow in love talking marriage, you are a hot topic. Everyone wants to know when and where.  But if you are that widow without any answers to the many questions, it can be equally exciting and frustrating.

Yes, I love sharing my journey.  How far I have come.  How I found joy again.  How I opened myself to live again.  How I allowed my heart to expand for new love.  I share my story because I want to give other widows hope.  

But not always having control over my future makes sharing my story difficult at times.  When others try to guess when a proposal will happen.  Or where it will take place.  Or  when the wedding will be.  I don't know the when.  Or the where. I only know one thing for certain...it will happen. Sometime. Someday. Somewhere.

The rest is not up to me.  I have no say in when a proposal will happen.  Or where.  But isn't that supposed to be part of the excitement?  Waiting to be surprised?  Yet, sometimes I'm scared to allow myself to think about it for fear of being disappointed if it doesn't happen.  I know my new beginning loves me.  And wants to marry me.  But I also know he is concerned about moving too fast.  Worried about our children not being ready.  Worried about repeating past mistakes.  

We talk about marriage.  We hypothetically discuss our wedding.  We know we want to marry each other.  But when?  Do we get married next year?  Or wait 2 years?  Even though we both agree that 2 years seems so long to wait.  We joke about a spring wedding on the beach but is that even feasible in 2018?  Not likely since a proposal probably isn't going to happen this year.  A future full of unknowns.

So then what?  I guess I wait.  Wait to see how the future unfolds.  Continue to share my story and keep others guessing.  And someday when that magical proposal happens, we'll start making wedding plans.  And decide on a date.  Until then, I just have to trust that my new beginning will know when the time is right.  For both of us.  However long that wait may be.  But our future together will be worth the wait.  Of that I am certain.