6 weeks of grief triggers

May 8th was a celebratory day but for me it also begins 6 weeks of painful grief triggers.

Mother's Day, Steven's birthday, Jared's birthday, my birthday, and Father's Day.

Five days that serve as painful reminders that my husband is dead and is never coming back.

Five days that are also celebrations of life, love, and blessings.

Five days that are bittersweet.

Five days that remind me that Jared is missing from our celebrations.

Five days that remind me that life is forever changed.

Five days that remind me that I am loved.

Five days that remind me that I am blessed to have so much to celebrate.

Five days that remind me that life post loss is a careful balance so as not to become lost in the grief.

Five days that I can chose to feel only the pain or I can chose to also feel the joy.

Five days that I can chose to focus on what is missing or I can to chose to honor all that I have.

Five days I can chose to focus on what never will be or I can choose to focus on what is right in front of me.

Five days I can chose to curl up and let grief take over or I can chose to find the moments of joy.

Five days of choosing between the bitter and the sweet.

Maybe the best thing I can do is hold bitter and sweet close.  Honor what was while being joyful for what is.  Choosing to be reminded of who is missing while remembering that he is truly never gone. Counting my blessings instead of my heartaches.

My life now is often bittersweet, I can't control that.  But I can control how I react.

These next 6 weeks will be difficult.  There will be moments of sadness.  Tears will be shed.  But there will also be moments of joy.  Laughter will be heard.  I will choose to find a balance between the bitter and the sweet.  A balance that works for me. A balance that let's me live my life while honoring my husband.

Finding my balance on this teeter-totter of life.