Instant Family

When Jon and I got married, our only children gained an instant sibling.  And we each gained another child.  We became an instant family.  And while the heart can always expand to love more, family by marriage is an adjustment for all of us.  But it also has amazing rewards.


It’s hard for our children to no longer always be the center of attention.  Hard for them to share their parent.  Hard for them to adjust to another adult being a parental figure.   Plus, they are experiencing sibling rivalry for the first time.  For the most part they get along.  Genuinely like each other.  But they have their moments.  Jon and I try to let them work out their conflicts. Try not to intervene.  Unless they break the rule and start being rude or disrespectful.  I hope they know that they are never in competition with each other.  That we love them both for who they are.  While it isn’t always easy for them, they are handling it rather well.

Jon and I have our own issues to tackle.  We have to adjust to being married while living 1,000 miles apart.  We have to find a balance between family time and us time.  We have to ensure that we are doing our best to give each child the time and attention they need.  Spend alone time with each of them.  Treat them the same with the same rules.  We definitely haven’t mastered it and I’m not sure we ever will.  But we are doing our best and learning as we go.

It is wonderful to see our children learn to think of themselves as brother and sister.  To see them laugh together.  Help each other.  Defend the other.  Work together to surprise Jon and I.  Form their own relationship.  In their own time.  Love each other.

I love having a bonus daughter.  Alli is good for me.  I enjoy our girl time immensely..  I’m looking forward to our relationship growing.  I just wish I had the opportunity to spend more time with her. And Jon is good for Steven.  Jon is a great dad on earth.  And I think he likes having a son. I’m grateful for the time they get to spend together.

Instant family isn’t easy.  But if you make the effort, put in the time, and just let it happen naturally it is so worth it.  We still have lots to learn, adjustments to make, and roads to travel but together we can do anything.