I Did Know How It Would End

Someone's recently asked me if I knew how it would end, would I still fall in love with Jared.  Well, I did know how it would end.  Jared was waiting on a lung transplant when we started dating.  In my head, I always knew this day would come but my heart never believed it.  I will never forget our wonderful years together or our  complete unconditional love.  We lived each day to the fullest and made more memories in 16 years than most do in a lifetime.

But unfortunately I can also never forget those last days so full of heartache.  I feel so cheated.  We thought Jared had 6-12 months and instead we only got 6 weeks. I will never forget having to tell my sweet boy that daddy was going to heaven and watching his heart break and watching the sorrow on Jared's face as Steven cried. But then a miracle happened and Jared survived that day and we were able to go home.  Little did we know that we would only have 5 days.  5 days together as a family.  5 days for which I will always be grateful.  We were able to talk about all those things that Jared refused talk about before, we were able to say I'm sorry for any unintentional hurts, and we were able to say I love you.  But those 6 weeks, those 5 days at home were not enough time.  We needed more time but truly, forever wouldn't have been enough time when saying goodbye to the love of my life, my forever. During one of our last conversations, Jared made me promise to live.  To live and not just survive.  And I am trying to keep that promise but damn,  it is hard.

But to answer the question, yes despite my pain and suffering now, I would do it all again because our love, our life together was worth it.