Half A Year

Monday will be 6 months that I have been a widow.  6 months, 1/2 year,  so long and yet so short.  And you know what...death sucks!   You never get over the loss of your forever, you never get over the grief of saying goodbye to your spouse, you never move on but you do learn to live with the grief.  You learn eventually the good days will out number the bad,  you learn you will survive the bad days, you learn the bad days won't last forever.  You learn there is hope, you learn there will be light again, you learn to live because of your loss not despite it.

6 months ago I wouldn't have believed this, hell 3 months ago I wouldn't have believed it and some days I still find it hard to believe, but it is true.  Jared and I always tried to live in the now and we tried not to procrastinate because we knew we may not have tomorrow.   Living in the now and making each day count is so hard without him but I am learning how because he would want me to live.  He would want me to get out there and make an impact on the world, not just sit on my couch and cry.

I am very blessed to have an awesome support system, friends and family who are here for me and Steven everyday in countless ways.  Helping in ways I didn't even know I needed. Plus, I was fortunate enough to find an amazing widow community who validated my feelings and let me know I was not alone. Seeing others on this journey, on different paths and different time points gave me hope.

I'm still very unsure about my life purpose right now, my thoughts on that change daily and will probably continue to do so for quite awhile. But  since Camp Widow last month, I have met 3 widows who felt they had no support, no community.  I told them about Soaring Spirits International, about the wonderful community and support.  Maybe helping others know they are not alone is my purpose for right now.

And right now is enough.  I still hate that I am a widow, still hate that 6 months ago my life changed forever but I was blessed to share a wonderful love story with an amazing man, a love story that is never ending.