Happy Birthday Lovebug

Dear Lovebug,

Happy Birthday!!  Today you would be 39 and I would be teasing you about turning the big 4-0 next year.  And you would so sweetly remind me that since I am older, I would be turning 50 first.  But instead, you are forever 37.  And I will be celebrating your birthday without you.

It's hard to not be bitter.  To not be angry.  To not ask why?  But then I think why not you?  Why not me?  I know God had a plan for you.  And He has a plan for me.  I may not know it, I may not like it, but He has one.  So instead of feeling bitter and angry, I will celebrate you.

We will gather tonight at World of Beer and eat pizza.  We will share stories of your life and sarcastic sense of humor.  We will toast you and eat chocolate chip cookie cake in your honor.  And the entire time, I will wish you were here.

This is your second birthday in heaven.  Do you celebrate birthdays in heaven?  If so, I bet my dad is telling his off color but funny jokes for you.  I wish I could celebrate this birthday with you.

I miss celebrating our birthdays.   I miss making your day special.  I miss you making my day special.  I miss knowing that we would always celebrate our birthdays together.  I miss giving you a birthday kiss.  I miss hearing Steven say “happy birthday daddy.”  I miss you.

I should be shopping for your gift.  Steven and I wrapping it in secret.  Watching your face as you open it.  Feeling your arms around me and your lips on mine as you kiss me and say “thank you pretty lady.”.  But instead, I will pick Steven up from school and come home.  Without you.

Today and everyday, I will do my best to remember how well you lived your life.  I will smile as I think of you.  I will cherish every birthday and every single day we spent together.  I may shed a tear it two.  I will definitely shed a tear or two but I will also laugh at wonderful memories.   I will be grateful for our life together.  I will be thankful that God brought us together.  I will celebrate you.  I will carry you in my heart and in soul.  I will lift a glass to you and those who love you and miss you too will say “Here's to Jared.”

Happy birthday my love!!   I love you forever. I miss you more than words can say.

Celebrating your 37th birthday.  If only I had known it would be your last.