16 Days

In 16 days it will be 4 years since Jared died.  Telling Steven his dad died was the second hardest thing I have ever done.  Seeing Steven's heart break and knowing I had just taken a piece of his innocence is something I will never forget.   And I remember thinking, I hope this doesn't change him too much. Because I was certain it would change him. How could it not?  Losing his father at the age of 10 would definitely have an effect on his life. But to what extent? Would he lose his faith? Would he lose his gentleness?   Would he no longer feel safe? Would he worry that I would die too? Would he see the world as an evil place because death was suddenly very real? Thankfully, none of that happened.

Instead, Steven developed a stronger faith.  Sees the world as a place where love grows. Tries to be joyful because his dad told him that when he is happy on Earth, his dad would be happy in heaven.  He is slow to anger and quick to forgive. He is compassionate, the first to offer comfort when someone is sad or hurt. He is patient and kind. Believes life is all about adventure.  Understands that none of us are promised tomorrow so live for today.

His dad's death changed Steven.  Just not in the ways I feared. Instead, it made him into a young man with an amazing heart. A young man of whom his dad would be proud.  Because of Jared's death, because we suffered through the worst trauma of our lives together, Steven and I have a bond that can never be broken.  

Yes, Jared's death changed Steven. It shaped him into someone who knows that he can overcome anything.  It showed him that with faith, love, and laughter you can persevere, survive, and thrive. But most importantly, I hope it taught Steven that even though his dad is not here on Earth, he will live forever in his heart.

#BreathingforJared
#losingyourdadsucks
#deathchangesyouforever
#feelslikeforeverandyesterday