Nothing But Love

When Jared died, my whole world fell apart. I certainly did not know who I was or who I wanted to be. I had no idea what my life was supposed to look like without him. I had no idea how I was supposed to survive.  But I did survive. I took the time to grieve. To feel the true pain and heartache that comes from unexplainable grief. I took the time to find out who I was and who I wanted to be in the future. I dug down deep and pulled myself up.  I used my grief to give me a new purpose. To not just survive but to grab life by the horns and live.

And then something amazing happened.  I met a man for whom I didn't even know I was looking.  I had no idea I was ready to date. The thought had never even entered my mind. Then a chance encounter led me to the man who would eventually become my husband.

Once again I was blessed with great love.  A man who understands that I will always love and miss Jared. A man who was willing to embrace my past and build a future with me.  A man who wants nothing more than to love me. To protect me. To see me happy.  For the rest of our lives.  A man who will hold me as I cry for another. Wipe my tears. Tell me it is OK to cry.  A man with whom I have found happiness. A man with whom I want to grow old.  Travel the world.  Have countless adventures.  A man whom I consider my anchor. Who calms my soul.  Who makes my eyes smile. A man I cannot my imagine my life without.

Am I scared? Absolutely.  The possibility of him dying terrifies me. The thought of having to survive that kind of grief again is unimaginable.  When my fear becomes too great, I find myself shutting down, pushing him away. And that is when he holds on even tighter.  Refuses to let fear win. Reminds me that he isn’t going anywhere.  And then I feel calm, peaceful.  Remind myself that even though life can be scary, risky it is meant to be lived. That without a little risk, life would be boring.  And life's too short to be boring. So I’m stepping out into my new life, with my new husband to take as many adventures as possible.  F*** you fear...I have a life to live!!  With a man who wants to share adventures with me. Who wants to jump with me.  Who wants to be my anchor and let me be his wings.

A chance encounter on a cruise two years after my world was shattered led me to the man who would become my partner in this crazy, fun filled, adventurous life.  And I couldn’t be happier.