Today is a hard one for me. No rhyme, no reason just a bad day. One of those days where I just want to cry. One of those days where I need to talk to Jared, to hear his advice but of course I can't. One of those days I need him to tell me it's ok.
I have so many emotions.
Sadness because it is another Christmas without Jared.
Gratitude for all the Christmases we shared. Joy because I am in a good place right now. Sorrow because I can't tell Jared about my newfound happiness.
Worry because this is all new and unknown and I cannot control it.
Fear that I am moving too fast, too soon. Angst over trying to make a new relationship work 1000 miles apart. Concern that the man I'm dating is afraid to tell his daughter about us, despite his valid reasons.
But surprisingly, I don't feel quilt.
I wish I could share this with Jared because I shared everything with him. I wish he were here to meet Jon, I think he would approve. Of course, if Jared were here, I wouldn't have met Jon.
No comments:
Post a Comment