New adventures

I am embarking on a once in a lifetime trip with my son and yet I wish my husband was here.  I never stop wishing for that.  For him to come home, to come back to us.

Steven and I are making and will continue to make lifetime memories without Jared.

Yes he is always with us but he is not in any picture.

Yes he is always with us but he does not get to witness first hand our adventures.

Yes he is always with us because we talk about him.

What I wouldn't give to have him here.  Beside us.  Rolling his eyes at one more photo.  Encouraging Steven to learn about the history at of this amazing country.

But he cannot be here.  Instead he is in heaven.  Sitting at Jesus's feet.  Holding my spot.

But what I wouldn't give for him to be here.

To be taking excursions with us.  Picking out the best tours.  Helping us make memories.

Jared hated having his picture taken.   Yet, he married a woman who love to snap pictures.

I used to tell him...someday I will only have these photos of our memories.  So he would ablige me and begrudgingly smile for one more picture.

And now...now I treasure those photos.

Those pictures remind me of happier times.

Those pictures remind me of love. Of laughter.  Of a life well spent.

Those pictures give me HOPE.

Hope that one day I will truly enjoy life again.

Hope that one day my son will have a family and he will begrudgingly take photos for his wife.

Hope that one day my life will once again  be full of light.

Those pictures remind me of a life well lived.  And more life to come.

I wonder if Jared knew that someday those photos would remind me of our amazing life?

Of our amazing love?

Of a promise?  A promise that I would live.  Photographic proof that I could live?

Maybe that was the reason he suffered through so many photos.  To prove that out of darkness comes hope.

What I wouldn't give to have him here.  But God had other plans.

So instead, I will make new memories with my little boy.  Memories that include his dad.  Just not in the physical sense.

Memories that remind him that his mom loved him.  That his mom was resilient.  That, although sometimes scared, his mom never said no to an adventure.

Because of Jared, we will embark on many adventures.  And he will be right beside us.  With the moonlight giving us hope for tomorrow.