Day 1 of Year 2

Today is the first day of year two. And you know what? Nothing is different. I do feel a little relieved that I survived the first year. But I'm still not sure who I am now. I'm not sure what I want to do now. I'm not sure how I want to be next year, next month, or in the next five years. I do know I have to live for me and at the same time keep my husband's memory alive. I do know I will go on. I do know I will live.  I know this because I have survived the first year. I have survived the unimaginable.

There are always those who judg.  Those who say you're grieving too long. Those who say you're not grieving enough. Those who say you're stuck in a rut. Those who say you're not living, you're not moving forward. Those who say you're not letting your children move forward. But you know what? Those people those "judgers" have never walked a mile in my shoes. They've never suffered my loss. They've never been on my grief journey.

So for all those that have supported me and said you're doing great, you're so strong, or I am so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you for realizing this is a very difficult journey. Thank you for realizing that when the rug is pulled out from under you and you have to start over you don't finish the journey in a year.

And for all those who judge I say go ahead and judge. You're going to judge me for something so go ahead and judge and I pray that you never have to walk in my shoes.