As I sit here with to much time on my hands, I can't help but think of Jared and all that has changed since he died.
My heart has an ache and an empty space that no one else will ever fill. But the wound on my heart is beginning to scar, it will never heal but the scar will always be a reminder of my great love, a love that when faced with death broke my heart. A love that even death cannot end. But the scar is a sign of healing.
As I sit here, tears run down my cheeks. Tears for all the joy we shared. Tears for all the wonderful memories we made. Tears for all that will never be. Tears because Jared is not here to kiss me at midnight and say I love you. Tears because the new year will not know my love. Tears because I can no longer say "last year we did". Tears that are part of healing.
In this New Year, I hope to continue to heal. To once again experience joy and true unbridled happiness. To find the woman God plans for me to be. To be a mom who is always present and treasures every moment with my son. To be a beacon of hope for others who are grieving. To be me...whoever she is.
At midnight, I will look towards the heavens and blow a kiss to my love. And I hope, hope with every fiber of my being to feel Jared kissing me back.
This New Year's Eve, I wish for peace and happiness for myself and all whom I love. May we all feel kisses that are heaven sent.
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