So today I was thinking about how much my life has changed and how much it will continue to change. I went through a heartache I wasn't sure I could survive only to find out I am stronger than I ever thought possible. And I learned my heart could expand and make room for a new love. I certainly wasn't looking for love. I didn't even have any intention of dating again. But then I met Jon, who I swear is heaven sent. And I decided to jump not knowing if I would find love or heartbreak. Loving Jon doesn't mean I love Jared any less. People are not replaceable. There's a part of my soul that will always be reserved for Jared. And Jon not only understands that, he respects that. But just because I will always love and miss Jared doesn't mean I'm not supposed to live. That I'm not supposed to love. And by allowing myself to love again, I have opened myself to a whole new world of life and adventure.
A new world that now includes a teenage daughter. Let me just tell you that it's completely different than having a teenage son. It is going to be a steep learning curve for me, but I'm confident that I can do this. Because I love this girl. And I love her father. And we are family. Slowly but surely we are finding our way to being a family. I was sitting here thinking how I get to be a part of everything of Steven's life. His football games. His school projects. His activities with friends. And I realized how much I’m missing out on in Alli's life. Because we live a thousand miles away I don't get to see her on a day-to-day basis. I see her one weekend every few months. And the occasional vacation. Having such limited time together makes it that much more difficult for us to forge a relationship. How I would love to be part of her daily life. Be there to see her get ready for the homecoming dance. Help her do her hair for prom. Hold her when some boy inevitably breaks her heart. Encourage her when she is afraid to try something new. Cheer for her at the Friday night football games when the band takes the field. Help her spread her wings and learn to fly. Yes, she has a mom to do all those things for her but oh how I wish I could be there too. Plus, I would like to think I could teach her different things, show her a different side of life then her mom or dad can. And I'm certain there are things she is going to teach me. Lessons I am suppose to learn from her.
God brought Jon to me, our family together for a reason. He is giving me a daughter. My son a dad on earth. And our only children a sibling. And as we venture out to build a life together, make new memories, take new adventures I hope and pray that we all remember to live life to the fullest each day. To do our best to not take each other for granted. To open our hearts to love. And to never be afraid to jump.
